Scans › Is my partner a narcissist? › The Spotlight Hog
Your partner scans as
The Spotlight Hog
MILD TRAITS · ATTENTION-SEEKING
Your partner likes an audience. Conversations drift back to them and praise matters a lot, but there’s little sign of cruelty or control. This reads as a personality quirk more than a danger sign.
Typical trait profile for this readout. Your own scan will differ.
THE SHARED READOUT
WHAT TIPPED IT · THEIR ANSWERS
What this readout means
This readout is mostly grandiosity: a strong appetite for attention and admiration without the darker machinery of manipulation. Researchers sometimes call this the “grandiose” or “exhibitionist” end of the spectrum. It can be tiring to live with, but it is not the same thing as a partner who controls you.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
- Ask for equal airtime and watch how they respond. That response tells you a lot.
- Notice whether they celebrate your wins or compete with them.
- Grandiosity without manipulation is usually workable.
WHAT TO SAY · SCRIPTS FOR THIS READOUT
How to raise it
- “I’ve noticed our conversations drift back to you a lot. I want more room in them for me.”
- “Can I tell you about my day first tonight? I’ll listen to yours right after.”
- “When I share something good, I’d love you to ask me about it before comparing notes.”
How to set the line
- “I’m going to start saying ‘my turn’ when I need the floor. Please take it seriously.”
- “I don’t want to compete with you for airtime. I want equal time, and I’m going to ask for it.”
- “If I say I need you to just listen, that means no stories of your own until I’m done.”
When they push back
- “I’m not saying you talk too much. I’m saying I don’t get to talk enough.”
- “You might not notice it, and that’s fine. I’m asking you to trust that I do.”
- “This isn’t an attack. It’s a request, and how you handle it tells me a lot.”
Say them in your own words. The point is to have something ready before the conversation, not to read from a card.
Your full readout, as a PDF
A clean, printable report of this scan: the personal readout, trait chart, every answer, what it means, the three scripts and the reading. Keep it, or hand it to a therapist.
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The other readouts on this scan