Scans › Is my partner a narcissist? › Pair scan
How A sees B
The Spotlight Hog
Together you scan as
Performer and Handler
SPOTLIGHT + PUPPETEER · ONE SEES VANITY, ONE SEES STRINGS
One of you sees a partner who wants the spotlight. The other sees a partner who uses silence, rewriting and hot-then-cold affection to keep control. The person reading vanity may be the one being managed, because a controlling partner rarely looks controlling from where they’re standing.
How B sees A
The Puppeteer
A · READOUT
B · READOUT
What this pairing means
A spotlight reading against a puppeteer reading is asymmetric in a way that should be taken seriously. Grandiosity without manipulation is a quirk; manipulation dominant is a control pattern, and one of you is reporting it. Research on coercive relationships notes the controlled partner’s grandiosity is often the thing the controlling partner points at to keep the frame. The person who saw the Puppeteer should trust their record, and the person who saw the Spotlight Hog should ask why their partner’s answers were so different.
WHAT THE TWO OF YOU CAN DO
- Whoever saw the Puppeteer: write down the last three arguments as you remember them, before they get retold.
- Whoever saw the Spotlight Hog: read your partner’s readout slowly. Ask which questions they answered high, and why.
- Talk to someone outside the relationship, separately, and if you ever feel unsafe, contact a domestic-abuse hotline.
Read each archetype on its own
All 10 pairings on this scan